The first time I wrote for the Abundant Aging Blog, I shared my love of the Haitian proverb, "the neighborhood is the family." It’s a foundational phrase for me, which I use as an expansion on “love your neighbor as you love yourself.” It means we’re called to take care of one another in human community. Like I said in my first blog, the “neighborhood” is not always defined as a geographic concept; it is a moral and contextual concept, which varies based on who you are and where you are in life’s journey.
In my particular life, it happens to be a geographical concept too. I live in a densely populated suburb of Cleveland with my husband and our three children. Our neighborhood is our family. We aspire to take care of each other across generations and differences in opinions.
Walking to School
One thing that connects our neighborhood so well is that we live in a “walking school district,” which means there’s no bus transportation. The children throughout our city walk to neighborhood-based schools, so the walking distance from our home to the closest elementary and middle school is less than a mile. Most days, our children walk to school, collecting their classmates along the way. This has been a formative part of their childhood experiences, and I know it has had a positive impact on their physical and mental health. We sometimes drive them to school, like when the weather is particularly bad, or they have a fragile shoebox diorama to bring to school (remember those?), but our three kids have grown accustomed to walking, and they really count on it to help them wake up in the morning and get their energy out in the afternoon.
This year, for the first time, our kids will be in three different schools— elementary, middle, and high schools. I’m already overwhelmed by the thought of different starting times, different walking routes, and the fact that they won’t be able to walk together. Our newly-minted high school student will likely carpool to school more often than she used to because the high school is a much longer walk and the day begins early. Every morning, we’ll be sending our kids off in different directions, at different times, with different before and after school activities, just praying they have everything they need to get where they’re going safely, with the right supplies, and on time.
Letting Others Help
When I feel overwhelmed by all the logistics of raising active and engaged children, the proverb, “the neighborhood is the family” and similar proverbs like, “it takes a village to raise a child,” (which Kim wrote about so beautifully in her last blog post), help me feel at ease. It’s okay if I don’t figure it all out on my own. In fact, I shouldn’t even try.
I’ve noticed that “letting people help” is a lifelong struggle for a lot of people. We often act as if we have to take on the obstacles of our lives alone. Many of us love to be the helper but decline help when it is offered. The real beauty of these community-based proverbs is that there’s a mutuality in giving and receiving. We grow and get through life together, exchanging the gifts we have but not trying to do everything.
As full-time working parents, my spouse and I have learned that the only way we can raise our children is by letting people help us: carpools, shared meals, childcare, asking a neighbor to shovel our sidewalk when we know we won’t have time. It’s give and take, of course. We all help each other. Sometimes we’re the carpool-provider, the meal-maker (or, in my case frankly, the pizza-buyer), the safe house after school, and the sidewalk-shoveler. But the point is that we allow others to help when we need it, and we help others when we can.
The Comfort of Community
The give and take of community support can be a source of comfort to us all, if we let it. For our whole lives, we have to ask these questions: when is it time to accept help from others? Sometimes it’s like letting a friend drive my kids to school. Maybe it’s like letting a friend take you to breakfast, or when someone offers to hang pictures on the wall in your new home, or when the TV remote is not making any sense (this example is actually for me; I humbly let my 9-year-old help), or simply an invitation for companionship on a lonely evening. And when is it time to offer help to others? How are we called to be the village, or be the family, for each other?
The great news is, we don’t have to do any of this alone. Thanks be to God.
For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.
- Do you find it difficult to ask others for help? Why or why not?
- When was the last time you asked for help with something fairly big? How did that turn out?
- What would you tell someone if you knew they were finding it challenging to ask you for help?
Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.
Rev. Joanna D’Agostino has been the Senior Pastor of Lakewood Congregational Church since 2018. In addition to leadership, preaching, and pastoral care, her ministry has been focused in Restorative Justice work and prison ministry and advocacy for and with the LGBTQ+ community. She received her Master of Divinity from Eden Theological Seminary and a B.A. in creative writing and French language from Baldwin-Wallace University. Joanna and her husband have three children, Evelyn, Amos, and Suzette, as well as a pit bull mix and two cats. Joanna’s interests include art, animals, and spending time with family, friends, and neighbors, often on her Lakewood porch.
Courtesy of The Center for Abundant Aging, advocating for a just, inclusive society conquering ageism;
delivering education and resources to transform how we think about elderhood; and
cultivating the riches of Abundant Aging through transformational collaborations.
Blog: Copyright 2025, Rev. Joanna D’Agostino , All Rights Reserved. Photo designed by Freepik.
