Clergy life in December feels like one of those Facebook memes that say “if you know, you know.” First there is the obvious additional pressure of leading worship during Advent, Blue Christmas, Christmas Pageants, Christmas Eve services, and New Years Eve service. Then there is the more subtle dimension of shepherding people through their grief, which we know is increased during the Holidays.
Clergy family life in December adds another dimension to the pressures of the season. The family traditions of putting up the Christmas Tree, hanging the outdoor lights, trying to keep that Elf on the Shelf moving, and visiting every family member gets tangled up in the concern of making sure each child gets some of the presents they want without going too far over budget and insisting on reading Luke chapter 2 on Christmas morning when the children clearly just want to open their presents.
Reflecting upon the too muchness of this season reminds me of the line “These are the days it never rains but it pours” from the David Bowie/Freddie Mercury song “Under Pressure.”
Fear not reader, this is not a wayward tale where I beg for sympathy for the profession I was called into (and love) while wailing about the endless demands of consumerism during Christmas. I cannot get to the point I want to write about without clearly stating that sometimes, the pressures of life can feel like “Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking.” (Another lyric from the same song. Don’t ask me to apologize for my love of Freddie Mercury.)
A Spiritual Practice for Epiphany
What I want to share is what happens at the conclusion of the whole Christmas season. Maybe it is because of the additional pressures of clergy life--both professional and familial--that Epiphany feels like a balm on my weary soul. Maybe it's because Epiphany comes in with a low level of expectation compared to the big events of Christmas. It could be the message of Epiphany and the arrival of the Magi to meet the Christ child. Can’t you just imagine the Magi after they left Herod’s palace, where they first thought they would find the newborn King of the Jews, to find a child--Love made Flesh--playing in a simple home.
What I look forward to the most about the Epiphany service are the Star Words, which is a spiritual practice that I learned about early in my clergy career. Star words are a word that is received either on paper or electronically with an invitation to trust that it is a word that will offer guidance throughout the next year. I used to tape mine on my bathroom mirror, where I would see it every morning. Now I place it in the back of my clear phone case where I can see it more often.
Examples of Star Words
For example, in 2019 my Star Word on Epiphany was Knowledge. I thought that it referred to my upcoming May graduation from Seminary. That February I received a call from a friend wanting me to adopt her newborn. During the next eight weeks my family and I prepared to bring a newborn home while jumping through the hoops of Child Protective Services and learning how to care for this child’s very specific needs.
I remember begging God to reveal what I needed to do to ensure that we were the best placement for this unexpected child. A clear vision of the paper I received with the word “knowledge” came to my mind while simultaneously in my heart space I “heard” God tell me “Be still and KNOW that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
Now in the business of any season - when it feels like I’ve been slashed and torn by the pressure of it all (still not apologizing), I KNOW to be still and let God be God.
Last year my Star Word was Forgive. Upon reflection at the end of the year, I’m glad that I received this word, because without living into Forgiveness intentionally this year, I would have stayed angry a lot longer at a lot more people and it would have consumed me. What I have learned is that forgiveness is a gift that I give myself, and it has become my desired state of being. I communicate so much more effectively about my anger and I don’t hold as many grudges. I can decide to communicate about my anger or let it go if it’s a conversation that isn’t worth having. I’m telling you, a life of forgiveness really is the way to go.
I’m looking forward to my Star Word this year. What will this new year bring with a new intention to live into? The anticipation makes me feel like a kid on Christmas.
If you are interested in receiving a Star Word, I found a website that will reveal one for you from a church with which I have no affiliation whatsoever. https://www.trcnyc.org/starwords/ Go to the website and click, “Get My Word”.
For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Then spend some time with the following questions with anything that helps you reflect more deeply. Invite the questions to join you for tea or coffee.
*The prayer comes from the RevGalBlogPals.org blog. That blog page has more information about Star Words.
Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.