I’m making a homecoming dress for my newly-minted highschooler. I don’t sew often, and it’s been a long time– maybe even since she was a baby– since I made a whole piece of clothing from scratch, so this is a pretty big undertaking.
A Familiar Challenge
My daughter is very petite for her age, and she always has been. In fact, most of the time when I get my sewing machine out, it’s to take in the side seams of her dresses and skirts. I usually shorten her shoulder straps by hand (or, when I’m rushed, with safety pins). I have known how to do this intuitively as she’s gotten older, because I’m placing the stitches and safety pins exactly where my mom used to place them for adolescent me. She has the same physical stature I had growing up, so I assume any dress from the store will require the straps to be shortened and the bodice to come in at the seams if she wants it to fit right. For most occasions, I can get away with just pinning the shoulder straps back a bit. I use the same hack my mom used on me– a safety pin or two between my shoulder blades, or at the back of each shoulder strap, and a nice little sweater so no one would see that it wasn’t perfectly done.
We have the same bickering arguments my mom and I had while trying to rush out the door to an event– “it’s too itchy.” “just stand still for one second.” “I’ll just wear something else.” “It’s fine.” (In this context, read “fine” as a four-letter-word).
The Offer That Surprised Me
So a couple weeks ago I asked her about what she wants to wear for her first high school homecoming dance. We looked online for a while, for ideas and inspiration, struggling to find something that fit her alternative style AND fit in her size range. After scrolling through a dozen websites, I heard the words leaving my mouth, “I can just make you a dress.”
Back up. Did I just offer to make a semi-formal dress from scratch? Our family is in perhaps the busiest season of our lives. My husband and I both have emotionally heavy and mentally draining full-time jobs. We have three kids (the other two are in middle school and elementary school). They all have their own activities and commitments… and feelings and obstacles and relationships. How and why did those words just come out of my mouth: “I can just make you a dress?”
Visible Progress, Tangible Joy
I know why, actually. Sometimes I just need a project with a start and a finish. In the midst of all the chaos of life– personal and communal– there’s something to be said for manual labor with a visible result. Most of my daily work– as a pastor, as a parent, and as a neighbor, doesn’t come with a tidy ending. There’s no “I did it!” when it comes to sitting with someone in their grief, or discerning God’s call to our Outreach Team. There’s no “check that off your list!” when it comes to helping my youngest overcome her struggle with night terrors or teaching my son how to be a good friend when he’s stuck in the middle of two friends who don’t get along. There’s no “we fixed it” when it comes to bringing about justice and peace in our community and the world.
But there is a, “look what I made!” when it comes to finishing a sweet flowy homecoming dress for my smart, quirky, beautiful daughter. When the words, “I can just make you a dress” left my mouth, they were coming out of my creative heart, yearning for a project with a start and finish.
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I’m near the end of that project now. It hasn’t been without obstacles (like I said, it’s been a while since I made a whole piece of clothing start to finish). It hasn’t been without bickering (I think I could copy and paste the same “try this on” arguments I had with my mom when I was 14). But wow does it feel good to create visible progress; to make something happen with my own hands; to say, “look what I did!”
This process has also unlocked some good memories, inspired me to look at things a little differently, and created new memories that I hope my daughter and I will both look back on in years to come. And– bonus points– time spent working on a project means I’m taking a break from “doomscrolling” through the constant influx of upsetting news updates.
Creativity for Everyone
As we move toward this year’s Abundant Aging Symposium about Igniting Creative Potential, I know we will talk about many different aspects of creativity. Rev. Beth Long-Higgins wrote about many of those different ways so beautifully in her last blog post. I wonder if others need “start and finish” creative projects like I do. This doesn’t have to be something as complex as making a homecoming dress. It can be anything– an evening coloring in a coloring book, rearranging your living room (you can envision it, and then ask someone to do the physical labor!), taking a woodworking or watercolor class, or even doing a puzzle with friends. Creativity does not require you to be an excellent seamstress or a world-renowned painter, but it does have the potential to unlock parts of our hearts and our minds that we are yearning for, and discovering something beautiful about ourselves and the world around us.
by Rev. Joanna D’Agostino