Embracing the Journey:
My Unplanned Path to Retirement
By Rev. Dr. Barbara Kershner Daniel • October 03, 2024
I did not plan to retire when I did. To be honest, I don’t think I really thought about retirement in my early 60’s. In February of 2020, my clergy support group was talking about retirement; everyone had some idea of when they would retire and why. But I imagined continuing to work beyond 65 with no set timeline or circumstances in mind. I still loved serving as a parish pastor and the congregation that called me.
At the time, I couldn’t imagine moving into retirement just yet. My congregation had empowered me to be the kind of pastor I have always wanted to be. I could preach, teach, and lead creative forms of worship. I led international exploration tours and mission trips and championed social action within the community. They embraced me for who I was and who I was called to be, and for that, I am eternally grateful. How could I give that up? At least not then.
The Call of the Inner Voice
Then in the summer of 2022, after leading the congregation through a major building project (completed in 2018), the challenges of COVID, and some significant staff changes, a small inner voice began to nudge me to consider the future. That voice was asking whether I wanted to spend the next years ahead in leading yet another period of major transitions.
My husband and I joined a group from our church to hike the Camino de Santiago in September of 2022. With time to walk and reflect, that inner voice became louder. I began to discern that it was time to celebrate my years as a parish pastor, open space in my life for where God may be calling me, and to provide an opportunity for my church to imagine its own future with new leadership. In other words, I was ready.
So, I retired in June 2023, the month of my 64th birthday and 40th anniversary of ordination to the Christian ministry. I am grateful for the retirement celebration my church planned that not only marked my 17 years as their pastor, but my 40 years of service. That celebration empowered and affirmed that God still had more for me to do.
Your New Word is No
One of my friends gave me a framed postcard that reads, “Your new word is ‘No.’” It was a reminder to allow time for exploration of new opportunities before making a commitment. Retirement did not mean adopting the same kind of frenetic schedule like I had while working. It was difficult but I learned to say, “No,” to many things. I had to trust that eventually, the inner voice would say, “Ok, yes, this is it.”
For the first year, I embarked on some travel. This has always been something I love. Travel was also an opportunity to get distance from the routines of the church year that I had followed for 40 years. More importantly, it gave me the freedom and the time to visit with family and reconnect with friends across the years of my life.
During this time, one of my friends gave me Riley Moynes’ Four Phases of Retirement. Phase 1 was vacation, traveling, no set routine. I did that.
Adapting to Change
The second phase, according to Moynes, is lost and loss -- losing structure and identity and a sense of purpose. I can identify with this phase, especially because my husband has kept working at his profession. The rhythms of our lives have changed and we must adapt. I just have come to understand like anything else, this is just a phase I am going through.
The third phase is trial and error when one explores new possibilities to find meaning and purpose. I have been pleased and a bit relieved that people still think of me for projects and programs. While I haven’t jumped at anything long-term, I have found the opportunity to teach or lead a trip to be fulfilling.
In the second year of retirement, I find myself between the loss phase and the trial-and-error phase. Although I will always be identified as a pastor, I am also reclaiming my identity as a valued family member, friend, mother, and spouse. I have been engaging in a variety of community efforts, mostly events, to see where my heart and passion might want to engage further. I have seen how the gifts and skills I utilized as a pastor can be transferred to a variety of settings in the community and the community welcomes those gifts.
It hasn’t been a smooth passage. For example, I tried to engage in a major project in the wider church that gave me meaning and purpose, but the timing was not right, the demands too great. So I needed to step away.
What’s Next?
I am enjoying having time to do things without the pressure of work deadlines, meetings, or others’ expectations. At the same time, I continue to wonder, “What’s next?”
The fourth phase according to Moynes is reinventing and rewiring – answering the question of one’s mission and purpose and how to squeeze all the juice out of retirement. This phase hasn’t kicked in just yet. But I am sure it will.
I am grateful for supportive and understanding kids, spouses, and good friends who are willing to listen to me as I navigate this new season in my life. I have come to understand that being a loving and supportive family member and friend also gives me satisfaction, as well as new meaning and purpose.
While I may not have planned to retire when I did, I’m content with the timing. I remind myself every day that it’s okay to be in transition and I am not required to make decisions about what tomorrow may bring. Trusting in the Spirit, just as I did in my early years of ministry, helps me believe that with each change, God has something new planned for me. I just have to be patient knowing it will all be revealed in its time.
To learn more about options for post-retirement success and how to begin preparing even prior to finishing your primary career, join us in person or online for the 2024 Abundant Aging Symposium, Purpose, Meaning and Redefining Retirement on October 4th. Discount for those over the age of 55 and for students.
For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly.
Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.