I have the somewhat unique disposition of being a “social introvert.” This may sound like a contradiction in terms. But I have long known that I can be both introverted, that is, shy, reserved and thoughtful, as well as being attracted to join groups. This combination, odd as it may sound, has also guided how I have experienced my first year of retirement. I have done my own share of reflecting and quietly contemplating the course of my life and career. Retirement has provided this opportunity to reflect, build connections, understand successes and failures, and begin to integrate my journey. At the same time, I have long valued being in community knowing at my core that this is vital to my own well-being. Finding a new community in retirement can be a daunting challenge. So, as I complete this year, I have been reflecting on some of the key lessons learned.
First, the Greek admonition applies—Know thyself. Retirement brings many changes. But it also is grounded in some of the lifelong constants of personality. I had the time to reflect and discover. Also for me, moving back full time to Frederick, felt like starting over again in a new town. Although my wife and I have lived here since 2006, much of that time for me has been spent living in different communities where my work took me. So, I have faced the joy and the uncertainty of being a newcomer again, even in a town that has been my home for twenty years. Knowing that I am introverted meant that I had to overcome the anxiety of meeting new people. Think of walking into a new school and figuring out where to sit in the lunchroom. Where will I fit in? Will I be accepted? Can this place provide the sense of community I need?
I felt this anxiety walking into every new setting, even those where I knew at least some people. For instance, I decided to join the local Rotary Club. Having been a Rotarian for many years in other towns, it seemed like a good way to meet people and to get involved in the community. Overcoming my shyness, I began to brave the new breakfast hall. Soon I found a welcome and encouragement that eased my worries and engaged me with a whole new group of acquaintances. Joining projects and committees also broke the ice and in a short time, I had expanded my circle of friends exponentially. This setting has provided me with a toe hold of community to be part of here. I immediately became involved in community projects and causes ranging from volunteering to place flags downtown on holidays to joining a local effort to promote affordable housing.
The second lesson has been this—Be open to the new; do not cling to the past. One of my new Rotary friends invited me to learn how to play pickleball. This new sensation has been sweeping up retiring Baby Boomers across the country. While it’s an easy game to learn, it is devilishly challenging to master. However, I met a whole new group of people, also eager to learn and, more importantly, to make friends. Novice pickleball was an excellent way to open myself to a whole new social group.
Not only was the exercise good at peeling off a few pounds, I found my stamina, coordination, and social life improved. The only drawback was the aggravation of arthritis in my knees. (But after all, Boomer pickleball is keeping orthopedic doctors in business these days!) Even more importantly, pickleball provided a strong sense of acceptance and a new community. As I learned names, I also learned about the families and histories of my new friends. And they learned about me. I looked forward to being together during the week. And pickleballers gathered for picnics and happy hours, too. This group expanded my deepening sense of community and the welcome that I needed.
Finally, expand the horizons. As a shy person, I find it easy to stay close to home running the temptation of becoming reclusive. Instead, my wife and I have been able to expand our international travel. One of our traveling friends joked that we are now in the “Go Go” phase of retirement, meaning these early years of greatest energy and activity. And we have been on the go. Already we have logged trips to Ireland and Scotland, Japan, and our longest trip ever, six weeks in Australia and New Zealand. Most recently, we hiked for two weeks along Hadrian’s Wall in northern England, learning about Roman Britain’s history and culture. Of course, more trips are planned.
Travel also has opened new friendships and expanded our understanding of the world, its people, and its cultures. We now have a whole new circle of people with whom we correspond and plan to travel in the future. My world has grown and my sense of belonging expanded.
I have found some of the pathways to a meaningful retirement. The introvert in me is happy. This time has enabled me to reflect and sort my life’s experiences. I have a fuller understanding of who I am and the decisions that make up my life’s journey. The introvert in me is feeling content and satisfied overall. I have a deeper sense of accomplishment and pride in who I’ve become.
Moreover, the joiner in me is also happy in my new communities. While our communities change as we age, they are no less important to our well-being, maybe especially so in retirement. Our need for that sense of acceptance, belonging, and purpose remain strong. I am still exploring and discovering all this now that I have one year of retirement under my belt. Overcoming my shyness and meeting my need for social connection continues to motivate my retirement pathway. With any luck, and the help of my orthopedic doctor, I will continue to enjoy this journey for many years ahead.